Enter Pirates: Vintage Legends 1991-1999

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CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform #ad - Humorous essays by New York Times bestseller Laurie Notaro.

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Predictably Disastrous Results: Vintage Legends 1991-1999 Volume II

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CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform #ad - The second volume of vintage writings by humorist and #1 New York Times best-selling author Laurie Notaro.

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Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy Life

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Ballantine Books #ad - Praise for laurie notaro   “notaro is a scream, the freak-magnet of a girlfriend you can’t wait to meet for a drink to hear her latest story. The plain dealer   “hilarious, fabulously improper, and completely relatable, Notaro is the queen of funny. Celia rivenbark, author of rude bitches make Me Tired“Notaro is direct and self-deprecating, and her disastrous attempts to sew a dress and make jerky treats for her dog are relatable and funny.

Library journal  Ballantine Books. After all, home wasn’t built in a day. If laurie notaro’s books don’t inspire pants-wetting fits of laughter, then please consult your physician, clearly, because, your funny bone is broken. Jen lancaster, author of i regret nothing#1 new york times bestselling author laurie Notaro isn’t exactly a domestic goddess—unless that means she fully embraces her genetic hoarding predisposition, sneaks peeks at her husband’s daily journal, or has made a list of the people she wants on her Apocalypse Survival team her husband’s not on it.

Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy Life #ad - From defying nature in the quest to make her own twinkies, to teaching her eight-year-old nephew about hoboes, to begging her new neighbors not to become urban livestock keepers, Notaro recounts her best efforts—and hilarious failures—in keeping a household inches away from being condemned. Notaro chronicles her chronic misfortune in the domestic arts, including cooking, cleaning, and putting on Spanx while sweaty which should technically qualify as an Olympic sport.

. Housebroken is a rollicking new collection of essays showcasing her irreverent wit and inability to feel shame.

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Crossing the Horizon: A Novel

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Gallery Books #ad - Charles lindberg has inspired millions but no woman has yet embarked on trans-Atlantic flight. Mabel boll, a glamorous society darling and former cigar girl, is ardent to make the historic flight. Inspired by true events and real people, Notaro vividly evokes this exciting time as her determined heroines vie for the record.

Soar back to the fearless 1920s with #1 new york times bestselling writer laurie notaro—beloved author of The Idiot Girls’ Action Adventure Club—in a “captivating historical” Kirkus Reviews novel that tells the true, little-known story of three aviatrixes in a race to be the first woman to fly across the Atlantic.

Crossing the Horizon: A Novel #ad - It’s 1927. Ballantine Books. Elsie mackay, daughter of an Earl, is the first Englishwoman to get her pilot’s license. Through striking photos, and ruth to life, pulling us back in time as the pilots collide, struggle, meticulous research, Mabel, Notaro brings Elsie, and atmospheric prose, and literally crash in the chase for fame and a place in aviation history.

Beauty pageant contestant Ruth Elder uses her winnings for flying lessons and becomes the preeminent American girl of the sky. Three women, based on real aviatrixes from the early years of aviation, determine to make their mark on history and set out on a thrilling but dangerous mission.

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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life

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Villard #ad - Back then i said no to using and selling drugs. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends—and that’s before she even puts on a bra. I washed on a normal basis and still had good credit. Introducing laurie notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club.

She writes about a world of hourly-wage jobs that require absolutely no skills, a mother who hands down judgments more forcefully than anyone seated on the Supreme Court, horrific high school reunions, and hangovers that leave her surprised that she woke up in the first place. For the past ten years, notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences.

The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life #ad - She delivers the goods: life as we all know it. The misadventures of laurie and her fellow idiot Girls “too cool to be in the Smart Group” unfold in a world that everyone will recognize but no one has ever described so hilariously. New york times bestseller“i’ve changed a bit since high school. Ballantine Books.

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It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy

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Villard #ad - Ballantine Books. 1 new york times bestsellereveryone’s favorite idiot girl, is just trying to find the right fit, laurie Notaro, whether it’s in the adorable blouse that looks charming on the mannequin but leaves her in a literal bind or in her neighborhood after she’s shamefully exposed at a holiday party by delivering a low-quality rendition of “Jingle Bells.

Notaro makes misstep after riotous misstep as she shares tales of marriage and family, the emails from her mother with “FWD” in the subject line “which in email code means Forecasting World Destruction”, including stories about the dog-bark translator that deciphers Notaro’s and her husband’s own “woofs” a little too accurately, and the dead-of-night shopping sprees and Devil Dog–devouring monkeyshines of a creature known as “Ambien Laurie.

It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy #ad - At every turn, notaro’s pluck and irresistible candor set the New York Times bestselling author on a journey that’s laugh-out-loud funny and utterly unforgettable.

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Stories I'd Tell in Bars

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Independently published #ad - Unfiltered. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder. If she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Unapologetic. Older - but arguably not wiser - lancaster gets back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting stoned with her waiter after a fancy dinner.

. As she details the chaos that will surely ensue if she has to learn to operate one more television remote control, you'll want to settle in and pour yourself a tall one. Because what's more fun than hearing a friend share her favorite stories? Ballantine Books. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar.

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The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death: Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal

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Villard #ad - New york times bestseller • laurie notaro has an uncanny ability to attract insanity—and leave readers doubled over with laughter. In notaro’s world, strangers are stranger than fiction. Ballantine Books. Need proof? check out the idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death and try not to bust a gut.

One must always check the hotel bathroom for hobo hairs and consciously remember not to stare at old men with giant man-boobies. Don’t even try. The plain dealer says that laurie notaro is “a scream, the freak-magnet of a girlfriend you can’t wait to meet for a drink to hear her latest story. With the idiot girl and the flaming tantrum of Death, Notaro proves she’s not only funny but resigned to the fact that you can’t look bad ass in a Prius.

The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death: Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal #ad - And then there are the lessons she has learned the hard way: Though it may seem like a good idea, it’s best not to hire a tweaked-out homeless guy to clean up your yard. Join notaro as she experiences the popular phenomenon of laser hair removal because at least one of her chins should be stubble-free; bemoans the scourge of the Open Mouth Coughers on America’s airplanes and in similarly congested areas; welcomes the newest ex-con yay, against her own better judgment, a sex offender! to her neighborhood; and watches, every Discovery Health Channel special on parasites and tapeworms that has ever aired—resulting in an overwhelming fear that a worm the size of a python will soon come a-knocking on her back door.

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An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List

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Villard #ad - Prepare to laugh your tinsel off. It’s the most wonderful–and most dreadful–season of the year, drunken holiday revelers stay long past their welcome, when boxes of truffles attack your thighs, and your grandmother has conniptions at the department store over the price of hand lotion. Welcome to Laurie Notaro’s Christmastime.

In ten brand-new stories and three previously published favorites, like finding herself on emergency feminine product recon at midnight on Christmas Eve; surrendering to the inevitable Horrible Gift Parade by simply asking for holiday dish towels and giant white underpants from Sears; battling the morons in line at the Seventh Circle of Hell, Notaro shares the sidesplitting daily disasters of the holidays, otherwise known as the do-it-yourself craft store; and trying to live down her reputation as the Most Unfun Christmas Party Guest Ever, due to an unfortunate misunderstanding involving a fake overdose and emergency paramedics.

An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List #ad - Ballantine Books. She’ll be the one dialing the cops. It’s laurie notaro’s holiday handbook. So whether you find yourself at the dull and smart Party or the Raucous and Stupid Party this holiday season, you’ll always know where to find Laurie–just follow the chocolate trail over to the cheese platter.

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I Love Everybody and Other Atrocious Lies: True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl

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Villard #ad - Now she’s ready to take on the thirtysomething years. And almost middle age has never been more hilarious. Laurie is married, discovering that bosses come in all shapes, sizes, and now—miraculously—employed in the corporate world, mortgaged, and degrees of mental stability. Laurie also explores the backstabbing world of preschoolers at a Halloween party, the X-rated madness of a family trip to Disneyland, and the pressure from her QVC-addicted mother and the rest of the world to reproduce.

Here are more scathingly funny tales from the wild side! Laurie Notaro survived the debauched ride of her twenties and the bumpy road to matrimony. After maxing out her last good credit card at banana republic, overstuffed in way-too-small pants new mom Suzzi, six-foot-plus Gretchen “Three Thousand Faces of Eve” before battling the overbearing, she’s dressed for success and ready to face the jungle: surviving feral, who ruthlessly cancels Laurie’s newspaper column and learns that payback can be a bitch.

I Love Everybody and Other Atrocious Lies: True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl #ad - I love everybody and other Atrocious Lies is Laurie Notaro at her deliciously quirky best. Ballantine Books. But while losing more friends to babies than to booze, she realizes there’s a plus side: at least for a couple of months she gets to be the thinner friend. Can a woman prone to what her loved ones might term “meltdowns” she considers them “Opportunities to Enlighten” put a smile on her face and love everybody? Take a guess.

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There's a Slight Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble

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Villard #ad - And when you’re a childless thirtysomething freelance writer who works at home, making new friends can be quite a challenge. Laurie notaro may be the funniest writer in this solar system. The miami Herald Ballantine Books. The first novel from the new york times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club is a rollicking tale of small-town peculiarity, dark secrets, and one extraordinary beauty pageant.

When her husband is offered a post at a small university, Maye is only too happy to pack up and leave the relentless Phoenix heat for the lush green quietude of Spaulding, Washington. After a series of false starts nearly gets her exiled from town, Maye decides that her last chance to connect with her new neighbors is to enter the annual Sewer Pipe Queen Pageant, a kooky but dead-serious local tradition open to contestants of all ages and genders.

There's a Slight Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble #ad - Aided by a deranged former pageant queen with one eyebrow, Maye doesn’t just make a splash, she uncovers a sinister mystery that has haunted the town for decades. While she loves the odd little town, there is one thing she didn’t anticipate: just how heartbreaking it would be leaving her friends behind.

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